Skip navigation

so ladebelle loves the kids and i volunteer with them along with a group of wonderful ladies. **shameless plug for us begins now** as a whole, i think that we are some of the classiest ladies who have such great hearts… **shameless plug over** anywho, we have this program where we do group mentoring for adolescent girls. today’s topic is relationships. 

as i was doing research on the phases of relationships to talk to them about, there were some things that struck me that i thought we should speak about here. so many of the male bloggers talk about sex on the first date and now i want to address sex within the relationship period. 

ok… so you meet this cute guy (where in the hell you meet him, i have no idea) and he asks you out. and by out i mean to the movies, museum, drinks, or some place in a non-personal atmosphere. so yes, this means that “hey do you want to come over and watch a movie” doesn’t count. you have a great time out on the first date. there was interesting conversation, some chemistry, and there were times where you saw that flash of lust in his eyes. he’s not overbearing with it, but he does a great job of making it known that he’s tryna feel up on your booty sans clothing. 

you’re attracted to him too. you feel the butterflies in your tummy. feel some of that heavy, lusty breathing when he turns his head, and you are consistently fighting the cheese that wants to break out on your face. now the thoughts flee from the butterflies in your tummy to the desire of feeling him all up in your tummy. the date is ending. you like him but you lust for him too. so… what do you do?

sex on the first date (isn’t it ironic)


it really isnt for everyone

it really isn't for everyone



i used to subscribe to the belief that you should just get sex over on the first date to relieve some of that sexual tension that’s in the air. so let’s say you go along with this thinking. now ladies, if you’re what can be considered a “freak” you’re now faced with another problem. do you go all out with your freaky shit or do you just break him in softly? give him enough to be coming back for more and remember your name or do you go out all out and have him looking at you funny in the morning. 

an even bigger problem is this. if you give him the proverbial milk without having him buy the proverbial cow, is he gonna think less of you? will you lose all potential of becoming a gf and labeled as the official J.O.? just some things for the ladies to think about and some things for the fella’s to answer…

wait a couple more dates for the sex

ok, you opt to wait a little longer before having dinner with the tube steak and there is still sexual tension rampant in the air. this shit is so thick that you could cut it with a machete. what can sometimes happen here is that neither one of you are being yourselves because you’re so preoccupied with behaving in a say that gets you closer to the either getting the draws or getting something longer term. 

how long do you wait until you’re out of the ocean of potential J.O.? do you have sex all the time or does the dating still happen? just some things to think about… 


shits and giggles to get the draws?

shits and giggles to get the draws?



the conclusion

at the end of the day, there’s not going to be a right or a wrong answer. for the ladies that go for there’s on the first date or even the one’s that wait, there will always be benefits or costs. but at the end of the day, staying true to yourself is all that matters. 

this is my time…





  1. It depends on what his perspective is. To me I don’t want to start out givign you the cookies because then what if that’s all it becomes about?

    The strangest thing about it is that if i really like you i won’t give the cookies up with the quickness, However if i don’t really like you i may give it up to get it over with.

  2. i for one, am a “no sex on the 1st date” type of girl, but i’m not knocking anyone who does that. but speaking only for myself, i don’t take sex lightly. someone has to at least put forth some sort of increased effort and show me some real interest aside from the lusty glances in order to get with me. i mean, if i had sex with each and everyone i lusted for my number would be way up there, and not in the single digits like it is now.

  3. I’m not a sex on the first date type. I like to flirt but that’s about it. I try to keep all that to myself until I know you and I know where we do/will stand. The streets are HOT!

  4. i say go ahead if u feel it. if it’s not great, you’re not wasting anymore time!

  5. @akua yeah… i think that my biggest concern with it is it turning just to sex when what you wanted was dating. and that’s an interesting perspective…

    @tynie ahhh… single digits huh? nice… what do you do to control your lusty feelings tho?

    @JG* i feel you on the flirting… i can’t help it but that shit is ALWAYS mis read and i’m always surprised like, “wait, you really thought i wanted to sleep with you?” lol

    @mandomnese that’s how i used to feel cuz what if i caught feelings and it turns out that you can’t please me in bed? (see JG*’s post from yesterday for details on pleasing)

  6. I don’t knock anyone for having sex on the first date, but you really have to be careful on how you judge the person. There are some crazy ass people out there and you may open a can of worms you don’t want.

    • this is true… very true… both men and women are really kinda crazy… don’t wanna end up on snapped or anything

  7. I admit… I had sex with my dude on the first date, and it was really a pretty classless (and embarassingly funny) affair, and afterwards as I did my walk of shame home I was like “Well, you just put yourself into the JO category, sister.” So that’s how I acted…. like he couldn’t possibly be interested in me for more, that he was just looking for a convenient f*ck buddy, and that he was just going to treat me like the JO I made myself. Wrong, wrong and wrong. And because I was operating under this generally accepted assumption, I didn’t take him seriously for awhile which was unfair to him because he really was (and is) interested in me as a human being. I think what made the difference is that we have similar “dating personalities” (good ole so he didn’t have hangups and conclusions about me as person because of our first “date”.

    Just saying that there are always exceptions to the “instant jumpoff” rule, and operating under that assumption can be bad sometimes. I’ve never figured out the answer to this question. Actually wrote a post asking the same thing a few months ago:

  8. @ ladebelle well to control the lusty feelings, i admit it is a struggle, lol… but to be honest, i haven’t been on a date in so long, it’s kinda dormant, lol! but i guess i should answer this questions when i do finally go on a date, huh?

  9. @ladebelle: Im a flirt too.. I love to flirt it’s healthy dont get me wrong.
    like the issue im having right now with “THE CHILD” dude keeps referencing sex every other phone convo. keeps beggin to come over my house/ or “bless me” etc etc. Im like dude it’s been 2 weeks. why are u so pressed to screw me?

  10. @akua: One word…. thirsty. HUGE turn off

  11. Yep yep yep ! I feel it! I’m very shy on first date, esp if the person is hot!

  12. I feel like sex on the first date is starting at wrong side of where you want things to go more times than not. Beating on the first date opens all the door for all types of thoughts in a man’s head. Many of which won’t help your cause if you’re trying to pursue something serious.

    • @anesidora i think it’s good to have a balanced view of this topic especially since everything here is so relative to the people in the situation.

      @tynie uhhhh, yeah, let us know how handling the lusty feelings goes after the first date… we might need you on as a guest blogger. i’m not dating either so i can’t even speak on it!

      @akua & @anesidora yes… thirsty = major lust kill. so akua you have pity sex?

      @myty yeah… i’m shy up until the sex happens… a little less shy then but shy nonetheless

      @slimjackson this seems to be the belief of most. in chatting with mr. smart guy offline, we both agreed that the best things are the things that you have to earn and that don’t come easily.

  13. um do we really need to bother with the date is the real question.

One Trackback/Pingback

  1. By first date etiquette « rants of a wild child on 12 Feb 2009 at 12:16 am

    […] date etiquette so in continuation of tuesday’s blog about sexing on the first date, i figured it would be good to have a discussion on what is appropriate for the first date. it […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: