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Tag Archives: insecurities

first let me thank anyone and everyone who has read my blog (especially the most recent ones) and posted a response… i REALLY appreciate the care, concern, suggestions, and feedback…

so i think i’m done riding the insecurity ride… really… i was thinking about this the other day as i was sitting and crying (lol) and insecurity is like that gravitron ride. i think that we’ve all ridden it it at some point during our childhood to adolescent years. it’s the ride that no matter how hard you try to get up, you can’t because gravity is pulling you back down…

this seems to be a metaphorical mirror (you like that huh? lol) for my own battle with my insecurities. i got on this ride somewhere in between being told that i was dateable because i was lightskinned and getting lost in fashion magazines that idolize the skinny, blond-hair-blue-eyed models that had no curves (no offense to these types… but they surely aren’t me). granted, i went to the prestigious institute of Spelman College where i was surrounded by beautiful women with curves and rolls and straight and natural hair, i still struggle with the concept of my own beauty. i’ve done research, conducted studies, written papers, and have still been inconclusive… i’ve been told that i’m beautiful by men, women, white, black, asian, indian, whatever but i’m a firm believer that until you realize your own beauty, none of that matters (though i am grateful for it!)

so today is the first day i consciously decide to get off the insecurity gravitron and see myself as being beautiful despite my cankles, scars, rolls, and ever increasing size… or maybe i should see that as beautiful… i don’t know if i’m ready for all that but it’s a start to the end… a friend of mine (SEXY MOKS!!) who is amidst her own beautiful transformation told me that in order to start to do things differently and see things differently, you have to do the thing differently with purpose and intent behind it… so now i will purposely look at my reflection and purposely be happy with what i see and all that i am…

and now, on to more funny blogs… enough of the sappy shit!

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as usual, i was riding MARTA this morning and this one girl stood out to me. i’m not sure if it’s because i’ve been having insecurity trips lately as well as virtual meltdowns because of my insecurities or if what because she stood out in general. so with that said, this blog, unlike my previous ones, probably won’t be so funny… more cleansing to me i guess…

it’s amazing how easy it is to recognize things about ourselves in other people. i think that’s the reason why this girl stood out to me so much. she was chubby but by no means was she what some would consider a total fat ass or anything. she was cute though. she had her hair in a mohawk and had on a tank that was goth like. i think all girls that are insecure with their bodies do the same trademark thing… she kept pulling her tank down like it was riding with every breath she took. everytime she would pull it down, she would look increasingly more uncomfortable. i do this too…

yesterday i went to the mall with my co-worker and friend. i was people watching as i normally do and noticed how many women, in all sizes, seemed so comfortable with how they looked. not that they all looked good because some of them were a downright mess, but they were comfortable enough with themselves that it didn’t matter what they looked like to others

“beauty is in the eye of the beholder”

i always that this quote was so weird but to these women with these higher levels of comfort must believe in it. it’s weird… i don’t know why i’m so hard on myself. i’ve definitely gained some weight, but i’ve also gained friends, knowledge, degrees, a husband, and so many other things that credit my character being at least decent.

but i guess we’ve all got insecurities but at what point do you let them stop controlling you? please feel free to share…