Happy Birthday Jesus!!

So I have to be honest. My bloggin has been slackin because I was celebrating the birth of our good Lord Jesus Christ. Now I know you have read some sacreligious stuff on this here blog, but I, JG*, was born and raised in the Southern Church (Shout out to my G.R.I.T.S!) And although I fall short of the glory every now and then, I love me some Jesus. This is exactly why on Christmas Eve I got completely and utterly wasted. I don’t have the equipment to load up some of my crazy pics, so for now, here’s a picture of my puppy. 

This is Kizmo!

Random, I know. But I think I’m still residually drunk. Seriously. I drank enough on Christmas Even to currently still be drunk. I’m here in Florida, the weather is very nice, I believe it’s 76 degrees outside right now. I didn’t even bring clothes for this kind of weather. We went to this club out on the beach and I didn’t realize how much I missed the water until that moment. To go to the club, then walk out on the patio and see the ocean……I miss it. 

I think it was the salty air combined with the 4 Vodka Gimlets, the 2 Kamikaze shots, and the Sonic Cherry Limeade half full of Goose that had me going. I went out with some guys that I went to High School with but I only knew one of them. By the end of the night, I had drank each and every one of them under the table, and paid for all of their food at Waffle House. Not to mention, I out-danced every Becky in the club, and I had on my brand new extremely sexy pumps. I was a bad bitch. I’m going to have to upload some pics later. LOL 

I did it all for Jesus. If I can go out and party for some random celebrity’s birthday I can damn sure do it big for Jesus. 

Christmas day was awesome for us. My mother works on the Navy Base and she volunteered to work Christmas morning, so we went out there to eat breakfast with the families of the soldiers. That was great. Too bad I was too hungover to really take it all in. I didn’t open my gifts until like 4:30. Last night, I had some Cognac and smoked cigars with my Daddy. My boss gave me these great Cubans, and it was a good time, except it made my Dad extremely yappy. 

So here I am this morning, I swear I’m still drunk, and I know this blog post makes very little sense. But please believe I will be back in effect next week with some more juicy goodness, and to continue with my multi-post rant on women, sex, the black woman, and how all that ties together.

So Ranters, gimmie your good Christmas stories!

 

Drunk and disorderly,

JG*

P.S. I finally watched “This Christmas” last night, and it was good/wack all at the same time. Highlights of course was Lauren London, and the baby oil scene. And Christ Brown. He’s my guilty pleasure.

hang on the mistletoe i’m gonna get to know you baby… this christmas

mistletoe… i remember as a little girl growing up, i always wondered exactly what it was and why in the hell everyone was kissing under it. now at the ripe old age of… well, that doesn’t matter. either way, i still have no idea what mistletoe is or why we now use it as an excuse to get it on under some parasitic green plant…

so, dear readers, i tapped into my old scholarly ways and did a little research on this because i’m sure that i’m not the only person who has no clue why begin making out out and getting hot and heavy when we see this little green herb suspending from some obscure fixture in the ceiling.

…the history of mistletoe…
so mistletoe grows on bushes or shrubs and it’s quite parasitic in nature. if you eat it, if then you’ll get really sick to your stomach. in fact, mistletoe kills trees… there are little berries on there called juniper berries that birds eat and shit out… ok… so on to the interesting things i guess.

why do we kiss under mistletoe? in ancient times, it was scene as a symbol of friendship and good fortune. so if two random (or not so random) people meet under the mistletoe, then the kiss and if two enemies meet, then they call a truce for whatever their beef is… isn’t that all so sweet?

…mistletoe now…
i remember getting mistletoe painted on my fingernails so that i could walk around to random cute guys and get kissed on behalf of the painted mistletoe on my finger. it’s funny because i don’t think that i’ve ever put up mistletoe OR kissed under it.

i think that someone should use some other parasitic plant that sucks life out of trees to hang up that symbolize lustful pleasure. it’ll have condom’s growing on it (for safety) and as soon as two people are under it, they have to get it on immediately. of course there should be some kind of guidelines for this plant… like if you’re straight, then you should probably make sure that you aren’t under the plant at the same time as someone the same sex as you. of course if your bi, this could make for interesting times. also, if you don’t have voyeuristic tendencies, you may only want to hang it in the bathroom or bedroom so as you’re giving the tour de crib-o you can get it on versus in front of everyone and your momma at the holiday party.

the trees can get it on... can their offspring help me too?

and surely i’m not the only one out there who uses the mistletoe as a way to get a little more action or would want another kind of plant for errr, spontaneous eruptions…

so good readers, will there be mistletoe in your holiday celebrations and would you buy the plant that i speak of?

xoxo (under the mistletoe)

ladebelle