hang on the mistletoe i’m gonna get to know you baby… this christmas

mistletoe… i remember as a little girl growing up, i always wondered exactly what it was and why in the hell everyone was kissing under it. now at the ripe old age of… well, that doesn’t matter. either way, i still have no idea what mistletoe is or why we now use it as an excuse to get it on under some parasitic green plant…

so, dear readers, i tapped into my old scholarly ways and did a little research on this because i’m sure that i’m not the only person who has no clue why begin making out out and getting hot and heavy when we see this little green herb suspending from some obscure fixture in the ceiling.

…the history of mistletoe…
so mistletoe grows on bushes or shrubs and it’s quite parasitic in nature. if you eat it, if then you’ll get really sick to your stomach. in fact, mistletoe kills trees… there are little berries on there called juniper berries that birds eat and shit out… ok… so on to the interesting things i guess.

why do we kiss under mistletoe? in ancient times, it was scene as a symbol of friendship and good fortune. so if two random (or not so random) people meet under the mistletoe, then the kiss and if two enemies meet, then they call a truce for whatever their beef is… isn’t that all so sweet?

…mistletoe now…
i remember getting mistletoe painted on my fingernails so that i could walk around to random cute guys and get kissed on behalf of the painted mistletoe on my finger. it’s funny because i don’t think that i’ve ever put up mistletoe OR kissed under it.

i think that someone should use some other parasitic plant that sucks life out of trees to hang up that symbolize lustful pleasure. it’ll have condom’s growing on it (for safety) and as soon as two people are under it, they have to get it on immediately. of course there should be some kind of guidelines for this plant… like if you’re straight, then you should probably make sure that you aren’t under the plant at the same time as someone the same sex as you. of course if your bi, this could make for interesting times. also, if you don’t have voyeuristic tendencies, you may only want to hang it in the bathroom or bedroom so as you’re giving the tour de crib-o you can get it on versus in front of everyone and your momma at the holiday party.

the trees can get it on... can their offspring help me too?

and surely i’m not the only one out there who uses the mistletoe as a way to get a little more action or would want another kind of plant for errr, spontaneous eruptions…

so good readers, will there be mistletoe in your holiday celebrations and would you buy the plant that i speak of?

xoxo (under the mistletoe)

ladebelle