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Tag Archives: sexy

Like  the great T.I. said “Match ya panties with bra get your Sh*t together” 

sexy-bed

 

Seriously though. He had a good point. A while back I blogged about what men have to do to even get to the point of sticking. Well ladies, don’t think you got off easy. I’m not 100% on the “he needs to be paying to get my hair and nails done” thing. I feel like if he’s my boyfriend, then I will appreciate such a treat, but it’s not anything I expect. My mama raised me to make sure I keep that stuff in check on my own. So with that said here is the list ladies. 

 

Match your Panties with your Bra. 

I used to be on the “but do you KNOW how expensive that is?” Excuses for days. I’m also not saying that you should have 30 pairs of panties and 30 bras that all match. Be smart about it. Make sure they match for HIM. Also, 3 pairs of panties with different prints may match 1 bra. And finally, Victoria’s Secret is not the only place that makes good cute bras. I discovered Target a few years ago, and I’ve been much better for it. Besides, I love feeling sexy, so I love to match for myself. It’s and added bonus though when he sees that you pay attention to the details. Remember, your undies are the last thing he sees before you take him to the promised land. Make sure it’s a pretty picture. 

 

Keep your hair and nails done. 

I also blogged before about the black man’s fetish with pretty feet. It’s a reality people. My mother always said a girl who can’t take care of her feet is saying that she can’t take care of her nonny. She said your feet are the first thing that hit the water. I really took that to heart. Again, you don’t have to get gels/acrylics very two weeks, or have the big-toe design. But do keep them manicured and pretty. And please, invest in a foot loofa. Every time you shower, just do a quick scrub of the feet before you exit. Your S.O. will thank you while you’re spooning and your feet are rubbing up against his legs. He doesn’t want you combing his leg hairs with his feet. Not a good look. And the hair, this can be hard if you don’t know how to do your own hair and times are hard. But if you don’t have a girl you can go to, get a style that is low maintenance for you. But just like I said for men, you have to keep the hair clean. Chances are you are shorter than him, you do not want his nose stuck in your sour milk hair. 

 

Keep the lawn manicured

Some women swear by their natural state. But I would venture to say, that most men in the 20 something range prefer for your lawn to be cut. You can get a good brazilian for anywhere around $25-$65. It’s worth it and it lasts weeks. You can get the landing strip, or go full teenager. Just keep that area free of forestry. I always said men appreciate not having to hunt for the gingerbread house. Too much bush and he might get lost. Not to mention, hair traps sweat and odor. I personally feel it’s just a better look as far as hygiene. I cannot back that with scientific fact, but that’s just how I feel. 

 

Cook for him/Drink with him/Let him kick it with his boys. 

I am not so much of an “independent” woman that I can’t get in the kitchen and cook an amazing slap yo’ mama meal. So many women are looking for that “gentleman” but they have forgotten how to be “ladies”. You want him to open doors, take off his jacket and put it over the puddle, pay the bills even if you can afford to (which, Biblically he should) and all sorts of stuff. But then you have no clue how to hard boil an egg. Shame. Guys also want a girl who can drink and hold her own. Not drink him under the table and you have a bigger beer gut than him. But just a show of how you’re comfortable with him, and he can be with you, and you can have a good time too. Lastly, men will love to see you secure enough to let him hang with his boys. The more you are cool with him getting his space, the more he’ll appreciate the time he has with you. He’ll be out with his boys, thinking about that good meal you just made, your sexy hair and nails, and the landing strip awaiting his arrival. He’ll hurry back in no time. 

 

Lately there’s been some talk of female crazy. And it’s so true. It happens. We get caught up and we lose it. All of these things above are sure to drive a man crazy, and they are honestly, all things that we should be doing for ourselves regardless. That’s the ticket to happiness. Take care of your “Star Player” (thanks Katt Williams) and the rest of the team will prosper as well. This is a short list, but I’m not about to let you men folk come in here and start spewing forth all kinds of other randomness like “she should swallow” and blah blah blah. Get it together.

 

Such a mother F’in lady,

JG*

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I know, I know. The first thing you’re thinking is “Lick It”. After that you’re thinking “I do lick it! Damn what else do you want!?” And I’ll say this: There are a million and one things that should be done outside of sticking ANYTHING (wang, tongue) in the honey pot. This post was inspired by a hilarious conversation between a friend and I, so I hope they feel special and leave a comment. 🙂 

So men…. You probably feel as though you’ve made great strides in the bedroom in the ways of pleasing women. You actually stop and kiss the top of the panties before you snatch them off, you spend a few minutes lapping at the water bowl, and you don’t immediately move into the “Jack Rabbit Thrust” upon entrance. But there are so many other things you have to consider before even making it to the bed. I know! This is complex! Why didn’t we tell you this from the start! Well look, we women are complex beings and our orgasm is akin to finding Oil in the middle of Texas. It’s the most precious natural resource in the world. If we gave you everything at once, you would be overwhelmed and both heads would more than likely implode. 

So, in the holiday spirit I will present to you another short list of things y’all can work on to improve performance and once this is mastered we will continue to teachings of the wise. Ladebelle mentioned things that we love about men, but here are things that men need to step their game up on. 

 

Smell. 

 

mmmmmm right there.

mmmmmm right there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love when a man smells good. I just wanna cuddle up all in his neck. I react to a good smelling man much like those crazy chicks on the Axe commercials. Maybe I really am crazy. So men, please do not come near me with the sexy face smelling like *Man*. That is not hot. And do some research. Go to Sephora, Don’t just grab the closest “Mystic Rain”, or “Mountain Fresh”, or “Sport” deodorant and think that’s going to be enough. I do not want my man smelling like trees, oudoors, or “Sport”. What the hell is Sport anyways? Why would that smell good? I have some favorite man scents, but those are well guarded. I don’t want someone trying to catch me off guard and run up on me all smellin’ all good and…… OK.. Sorry. *Phew* Tangent. So yes, take your “Au Natural” smellin’ selves to the mall and get it right. 

 

Hair. 

Y’all love to tell us to get our hair and nails done. Nevermind we have to drop at least $50 a trip and up to $100 on occasion. Well, at least this is the case for me. Then $35 every two weeks to get our nails done… I digress. A haircut costs like what? $15 at the most for a man? You have dreads, it’s definitely more, but you know better than to let Dreads get sour. So please, require the same thing of yourself. Wash your hair. It’s starting to smell like old milk. Do not think I want you kissing up my body, then I smell your salty ass hair, and you think it’s a green light. No Sir. Do not pass go, Do not collect $200. I will shampoo you myself. Do not try to produce waves in grass. Hunny, not everyone’s hair is hawaiian silky. This is a lesson some of us women need to learn too in regards to weave selections, but that’s another blog another day. So don’t spend all your morning in my bathroom, trying to wave up the kinky. Major turn off, and later on that night, you might be seeing my back if you see my bed at all. 

 

Cook for me.

Listen, I am a master chef. I throws down in the kitchen. I have been known to have men drop down on a knee to offer up their lives to me just to have me stand in their kitchens for the rest of our lives. (Feminists, calm down. I’m with the cause too.) I’ve had men drop THEIR drawers after a delightful meal, and I know the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. But listen closely. I learned how to cook this well because I love to eat. Eating makes me happy. It makes me much more happier when I didn’t cook it. When I cook, I taste test the whole way through. By the time I’m done, I don’t want to sit down and eat. So if you cook for me, you’ll have me rolling in post dining ecstasy and your chances of getting the goodies as dessert have just gone from 0-60 in a matter of seconds. If the food smells good while it’s cooking, we might actually have to step away from the oven for a few minutes. So make something that bakes, or stews, and doesn’t require constant attention. 

 

Give me a massage. 

massage

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First of all, in order to give a massage there needs to be a certain level of nakedness. This is the perfect opportunity for you! I’ve had many a man ask me to give HIM one, but far less have offered first. A good massage tells me so much about you. You know the human body, you’re good with your hands, and you know when to apply the right amounts of pressure. Trust me, if this goes down well, it’s a wrap. Roger that, over and out, man down. Whew! Plus, while you’re sitting on my back, I’m mentally trying to capture the size of your magic wand….Seriously. I’m not joking. 🙂 

 

Well that should do it for now. 🙂 More to come later when y’all are ready. 

 

 

JG*