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yes folks, ladebelle’s life was in fact threatened by a now ex. it’s this statement coupled with a conversation with the incredible slim jackson that lead to the writing of this blog and need for your feedback.

summary of slim and i’s conversation:

we were chatting about last weeks “i need a man” syndrome post and i brought up how my ex had told me that he would kill me if i ever cheated on him (and this was one of the reasons that lead to the ultimate demise of our relationship). slim’s response was that that made sense. and naturally i’m like, “oh wise slim, how in hades does that make sense?” slim tells me that men’s reactions to women cheating on them is more extreme then a man cheating on a woman and that women will most likely take the cheating man back. i thought about this and spewed some pro-woman speech and society and blah blah blah… something like this:

i think that society grooms women to be docile creatures and accepting of men’s trifling ass behavior. women are taught to be happy with just having a man period–even if that means settling for a sub-par man. and this is bullshit

hence the birth of this specific blog.

the cheaters…

i think that it’s a known fact that both men and women cheat. men suck at it and women are more calculated. but why do they cheat?

research shows that these are the top 6 reasons for why men cheat:

  1. she ain’t what she used to be
  2. she nags too much
  3. the thrill of doing something they aren’t supposed to be doing
  4. they just want to because they think they’re missing something or they settled down too early
  5. it’s “biology” (i’d like to represent that i think this right here is bullshit)
  6. it’s just sex

ok… so now for women’s top 6 reasons:

  1. familiarity breeds indifference or we just don’t feel appreciated
  2. you’re leading parallel lives and spending less time together
  3. the passion has fizzled
  4. the fantasy has fizzled
  5. your ego needs a boost
  6. it’s payback for his cheating

i think that cheating is a result of something missing in the relationship period.

what do you do?

so now someone has cheated. what are the responses?

men, do you go crazy and kill her? do you choke her out ike-style? or do you like mario winans (i think that’s who the song is by) and you want your woman to keep it on the low?

women, do you get lorena-bobbit on that ass or are you more like hillary clinton? are you publicly supporting him for cheating with a crazy transvestite while silently plotting against him? or do you simply pack your shit and go?

let’s talk about it!


ladebelle (aka i’m happy i’m still alive)


at this time i would like to point out that there are more songs by women going crazy over a male cheating on them then there are songs by men going crazy.

to continue with our most recent “scandalous” rants, i decided to blog on the topic of the “cheater”…

the other night as i was waiting for sleep to kick in, i was reading this blog that this woman wrote about her trials and tribulations and basic experiences that she had. i would like to represent two things here:

  1. i’m not the firmest believer that sex is cheating (a blog for another day… or maybe i’ve already blogged on it… either way, this has to do with my f-ed up history)
  2. the lady in this blog is most definitely a cheater

ok, so now that that stuff is out of the way… i was reading her story and i couldn’t stop until i’d read it from start to finish. she chronicles her affair with gert in such a way that i began to empathize with her. i think that we’ve all been in serious relationships and in the beginning, they are filled with lust, happiness, blindness. blindness? yes. during this infamous honeymoon phase, most are blind to who the person really is and we are infatuated with who we think they are.

but once the honeymoon phase is over and we look at what we really have, some are not quite as satisfied. or we forget to make time for each other. or we forget to make the other feel special. or we just no longer feel like doing the relationship thing anymore but we aren’t adult enough to say that. or we rushed into a lifelong (to be read as: as long as we can’t afford a divorce) comittment and it’s too late. either way, the honeymoon phase is over and now you’re left sitting in a pile of shit. so… what do you do? some (in fact most) do what this lady did and have a fling…

now, let me pause and represent that i think that she took this shit waaaaay too far but i don’t know if given her circumstance, i wouldn’t have done something similar (never to this extent). the way she wrote and poured her heart and soul out and was so open and naiive was amazing to me… i’m not saying amazing in the right way, but i was definitely awed. and some of the feelings that she had, i just couldn’t imagine her being ok with! for example, she was angry when the person she was cheating with was having an affair with someone else. bananas right? the crazier thing is that she loved this man more then her husband. so why stay with him right?

so this prompted some questions on my behalf and i want your full and honest opinions here:

  • what’s your definition of cheating?
  • based on your definition, have you ever cheated? why?
  • again, based on your definition, have you ever been cheated on? were you able to forgive them?
  • why do you think that people cheat?

i can’t wait to “hear” your responses…