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Monthly Archives: September 2008

have you ever felt as though no one can see you or what you’re doing? but you feel as though you’re destined for greatness?

maybe it’s just been me… but i really feel as though i’m the invisible girl that works her ass off but is never seen… maybe it’s just how i’m feeling now… maybe it’s how i’ve been feeling for a while… maybe it’s actually reality… or maybe it’s all in my head… maybe the feeling of defeat that i have right now will one day fuel me to success… or maybe it’ll fuel my demise…

no one can see her... but she knows shes there

no one can see her... but she knows she's there

i think that what i’m most tired of is always giving my all to my work… maybe if i did a half ass job then i wouldn’t feel as shitty as i do now. but no, that’s not the work ethic i’ve been instilled with.

i’m really upset, angry, frustrated, tired, and just weary… i’m tired of always having to be the “bigger person” and suck my feelings up because some asshole supervisor has a title that they don’t deserve. i’m tired of always being talked down to as if i don’t have a brain or thoughts or ideas of my own. i’m tired of feeling unappreciated for doing 5 peoples job and barely able to do mine. i’m tired of being stressed out beyond belief for a job that i can’t stand and bosses that couldn’t stand without we little people. i’m tired of working my ass off and growth not be seen when i know it’s there…

but most of all, i’m tired because this seems to be how it’s always been and will always be…

everyone has heard them and most have been victim to them… these are those statements that always begin with:

“i don’t mean to sound harsh but…”

“i don’t mean to throw you under the bus but…”

“this may be messed up but…”

“i know you’re feeling sensitive but…”

and so on and so on…

i was listening to the radio the other day and there was a commercial for something or other where the guy started off with the “i don’t mean to rat you out but…” BUT you are…

i hate these statements/disclaimers/warnings because they are so contradictory! if you didn’t want to be mean, then don’t say it! however, you are being mean so why not start things off with:

“i’m being an asshole so…”

“i’m about to rat you out so…”

“i’m getting ready to throw you under the bus so…”

these statements seem to make more sense. i mean, they let the other person know exactly what’s going down and that you need to be prepared for a slap in the face that i’m intending to be a slap in the face.  it all just seems very logical to me right?


i feel like slappin someone today!!! slap slap...

i feel like slappin someone today!!! slap slap...



i think that society pushes us to be more “PC” versus actually nice or just plain honest. i think that people need to either be honest or just be nice about something. but these disclaimers just fuel the fire for us to be mean but hide behind a disclaimer. so when someone is offended, the assholes that use these are like, “i don’t understand why you’re offended…i let you know that i was throwing you under the bus” BULL!!! 

i work with a woman who is brutally honest and it’s quite refreshing. there’s no “i may sound like an asshole when i say this but…”. she says what she’s gonna say and try her darndest to be tactful and non-offensive about it. 

so my question to the readers… do u use these disclaimers? how do you feel about them?

so my friend and i (shouts out to savannah) got together last night to watch ANTM (america’s next top model for the acronym-challenged). it was super good!

i’m definitely rooting for sheena (the hoochie) and isis (the transvestite). so to recap the episode, the challenge was for posing… i was blown away by how flexible my girl sheena was! and so was everyone else… in true hooch form, she managed to accidentally disrespect one of the products she was modelling… i thought her pose was creative, but maybe for a dildo commericial. isis was almost eliminated but she opened up to one of the girls when she gave herself her shot of horomones… but isis needs to step her game up majorly! btw, the anorexic black girl with great hair got sent home… oh well… and sheena has fake boobs…


my girl sheena!!!

my girl sheena!!!



so after watching antm, we decided to catch some of the new 90210… to sum it up, it was a waste of our time. i mean, watching them act really makes me think i missed my calling–as an assasin!!! they really are not good actors AT ALL!!! the mean girl on the show couldn’t even make the mean face!!! and the storyline is soooo predictable… this will not last… on top of the fact that what these kids wear to school(highschool people!) is not an accurate display of what highschool students wear nor should be wearing… ugh… what is the world of television coming to?!?!?


doesnt get any worse then this right here...

doesn't get any worse then this right here...

hello all!

thank you for stopping by my page!

i just wanted to let you know a couple of things about my blogging…

  1. this is an adult blog so there will be adult language used
  2. although i do write for my mental health, i really love feedback so if you read, please leave a comment!
  3. i’m trying to be a certified blogger… with that said, encourage random people you know to read my blogs or send me blog topics you’d like to see me write about
thanks guys!

ok… so when i’m not watching law & order svu re-runs on usa, i try to catch some new shows… late last season i became borderline obsessed with gossip girl and on monday, they had their premiere!!! and we all know that tranvestites are making their marks on tv, so i had to catch america’s next top model.

gossip girl

the cast... gotta love scandal!

the cast... gotta love scandal!

I LOVE GOSSIP GIRL!!! i never read any of the gossip girl books but i am all sorts of caught up in the scandal that is on going in my hometown of NY. so in this episode, it highlights the main characters summers and how they spent them. so nate is involved with a married woman… this good boy has gone bad and i love it! i never imagined that i would find nate sexy, but his sex scenes were quite steamy!

as we all remember from the season finale, chuck stood blair up for their romantic trip to tuscany and opted to whore around all summer. upon her impending return, chuck finally gets a conscious about what he’s done and goes to pick her up with some mighty beautiful flowers only to find her greeted by some other guy. eek chuck! better luck next time! the sad thing here is that they actually love each other!!! oh well, no place for love in land of gossip…

speaking of love, serena and dan are back together and i’m happy about it!!!! however, dan did become quite the pimp over the summer and serena did the opposite while soul searching. wildly, her grandmother is now a fan of dan and it’s a little weird for him and me! how did the crazy grandma become so sane? weird…

and of course little j is still trying to be high fashion and with the help of serena’s little brother, she just might succeed! i like this little j better then the bitch she was last season… muuuuuch better!

overall, i was really excited by the season premiere and naturally i was left wanting more… can’t wait till monday!!!

america’s next top model

antm, with the transvestite!!!

antm, with the transvestite!!!

i’ve never been too much of a fan of antm but i HAD to watch the premiere on wed last week and i’m an isis fan… i think that everyone was shocked by isis but i was really proud of her/him. she hasn’t had her surgery yet but i’m such a fan of hers! i can really respect her going after her dreams. the hate on some of the girls started immediately. luckily, it wasnn’t just isis who was getting hate thrown at her. mckey is a boxer and really athletic which is pretty cool but also makes her the brunt of the girls jokes. luckily, karma is a bitch you don’t wanna mess with. both the girls that were the most mean were eliminated during this episode and good for them! both isis and mckey were like, “HI HATERS”. LMAO!!! i loved that…

now, i don’t know about the whole outer space theme… they need to throw that out the window.

i can’t wait for september 25th!!! that’s when the grey’s anatomy premiere is!!! yesss!!!!

first let me thank anyone and everyone who has read my blog (especially the most recent ones) and posted a response… i REALLY appreciate the care, concern, suggestions, and feedback…

so i think i’m done riding the insecurity ride… really… i was thinking about this the other day as i was sitting and crying (lol) and insecurity is like that gravitron ride. i think that we’ve all ridden it it at some point during our childhood to adolescent years. it’s the ride that no matter how hard you try to get up, you can’t because gravity is pulling you back down…

this seems to be a metaphorical mirror (you like that huh? lol) for my own battle with my insecurities. i got on this ride somewhere in between being told that i was dateable because i was lightskinned and getting lost in fashion magazines that idolize the skinny, blond-hair-blue-eyed models that had no curves (no offense to these types… but they surely aren’t me). granted, i went to the prestigious institute of Spelman College where i was surrounded by beautiful women with curves and rolls and straight and natural hair, i still struggle with the concept of my own beauty. i’ve done research, conducted studies, written papers, and have still been inconclusive… i’ve been told that i’m beautiful by men, women, white, black, asian, indian, whatever but i’m a firm believer that until you realize your own beauty, none of that matters (though i am grateful for it!)

so today is the first day i consciously decide to get off the insecurity gravitron and see myself as being beautiful despite my cankles, scars, rolls, and ever increasing size… or maybe i should see that as beautiful… i don’t know if i’m ready for all that but it’s a start to the end… a friend of mine (SEXY MOKS!!) who is amidst her own beautiful transformation told me that in order to start to do things differently and see things differently, you have to do the thing differently with purpose and intent behind it… so now i will purposely look at my reflection and purposely be happy with what i see and all that i am…

and now, on to more funny blogs… enough of the sappy shit!