Single Ladies, Put a ring on him

I’m really tired (read: Lazy) from traveling up the eastern seaboard. I seem to live in NYC when I’m not in ATL. If you live in NYC, holla at ya girl a good place that I MUST visit. So I thought instead of writing a half-assed wack post, I’d cross post another post from another blog that I write. Some of you probably saw it from my tweeting, but I’m willing to bet many of you didn’t. It’s a really good post, and I want you guy’s thoughts on it. Check it out. 

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Necole Bitchie had a blog recently about how Michael Jai White’s wife Courtney proposed to him because she was tired of waiting. Ms. Bitchie was simply putting it out there that maybe it is ok for women to propose considering that our men are acting as if they don’t want to. I implore you to pop over there and take a look. She also quoted a very important quote that I’ll share with you over here. 

 

“A stunned White beamed a Kool-Aid smile and responded affirmatively. “I was pleasantly shocked and didn’t feel emasculated at all, ” admits White. ”I immediately said ‘yes’ because I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her whether we got married or not.”

  Now, here’s where I get started. Well before I get into that quote, let me just say my piece on the topic. I for one, will not be proposing to no man, no time soon. Call me a traditionalist, call me conservative, call me Susan, I don’t care (Sorry Whitney). I just have very solid ideas for how relationships and marriage should work, and I hope to see those things through for myself. I honestly don’t feel as though my *hang-ups* regarding not proposing to a man will end up in me being single for life. In this day and age it seems like the lines are getting reeeeeaaaaaal blurry when it comes to who is the woman and who is the man. I believe in equal pay for women, and women’s rights and such, but (and maybe it’s my religious beliefs) I do believe that there are certain roles we play in relationships that allow things to work cohesively. No matter who makes the most money in my household the man will be the man and I will be the woman. That means he can act as provider, he can fix stuff, and I can be the nurturer and I can run the family. Doing these things doesn’t take away from my independence, my ability to also have a job or anything else (see: Michelle Obama, Claire Huxtable), or even not allow us to occasionally do things in the other’s role. This meaning, he cooks, or I mow the lawn. With that being said, AINT NO WAY, I’m going to let a man think he can be with me for the rest of my life with or without a spiritual commitment. The Bible says (here I go) “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.” Not.. “She who finds a husband has found a good thing too.” I give props to Mrs. White (or is he Mr. Chatman?) for stepping to the plate and “putting a ring on it.” It just wouldn’t be me. 

 His above quote shows just how willing he was to keep her waiting for that special day. Was he planning on having children with her? While many feel like marriage is not a requirement for having children, I for one don’t plan on putting the cart before the horse. Things happen, true, but I don’t want to plan on it. In her situation she had only been dating him for a year. To her that may have been too long, and the pressure to get married may have been strong. I don’t think that’s too long to date before getting married so I know I wouldn’t have been feeling the itch too bad. However, to me, if its been years and he’s not asking, I wouldn’t feel like marriage is something he wanted and proposing to him instead would be the last thing on my mind. 

I really do wish the best for Mrs. & Mr. Chatman(white?) because no matter how they got there I love to see beautiful married couples. I just can’t wrap my mind around how I could possibly feel comfortable or good knowing that I had to ask HIM, and then knowing that he was content to never ask me at all! 

 What do the people say? Am I out of the loop and doomed for life until I accept this as a possible reality for myself? Was Beyonce off the mark and instead of being in the club, doin her own lil thing she should have put a ring on him? Who buys the ring? Surely she does. Then who puts it on who? Someone please, tell me how this works! 

Questions, questions, DISCUSS!

 

JG*

i love me!

so apparently this week we’ve been feeling the whole crazy ladies needing to get their shit together and i decided to make today’s blog about where i think the source of some of this nonsense is coming from.

ladies and gentlemen, we all need to work on our SELF-LOVE.

yup... this is what the ladies need to be spouting

both men and women are so concerned with doing things for the opposite sex and not themselves that it’s really troubling but today’s focus is naturally, on the women.

JG* was talking about some good stuff in monday’s blog about getting your shit together. but really, we need to get our shit together for ourselves. so many of us are caught in this “i need a man” syndrome and doing everything to get the attention for men and not paying enough attention to ourselves and loving ourselves.

so what’s got ladebelle on her self-love soapbox today? i’m tired of beautiful women not having themselves together and being broke down and driven crazy by some of the simplest shit. this is so frustrating to me. ladies, seriously, love yourself and each other before giving all that love to a dude. men aren’t evil but a loving relationship is all the more healthy and fulfilling when you come into it loving yourself and knowing that you are beautiful.

i mean, how many of us love ourselves? how many of us think that we are truly beautiful without having a man or another outside source confirm the truth? how many of us use men to validate something that we already know to be true? why is it that without this validation the truth of ourselves somehow fades to black?

fellas, how does our “lack luster” love of ourselves affect you in our relationships?

xoxo

“lovin myself” ladebelle

Ladies get ya ish together

Like  the great T.I. said “Match ya panties with bra get your Sh*t together” 

 

Seriously though. He had a good point. A while back I blogged about what men have to do to even get to the point of sticking. Well ladies, don’t think you got off easy. I’m not 100% on the “he needs to be paying to get my hair and nails done” thing. I feel like if he’s my boyfriend, then I will appreciate such a treat, but it’s not anything I expect. My mama raised me to make sure I keep that stuff in check on my own. So with that said here is the list ladies. 

 

Match your Panties with your Bra. 

I used to be on the “but do you KNOW how expensive that is?” Excuses for days. I’m also not saying that you should have 30 pairs of panties and 30 bras that all match. Be smart about it. Make sure they match for HIM. Also, 3 pairs of panties with different prints may match 1 bra. And finally, Victoria’s Secret is not the only place that makes good cute bras. I discovered Target a few years ago, and I’ve been much better for it. Besides, I love feeling sexy, so I love to match for myself. It’s and added bonus though when he sees that you pay attention to the details. Remember, your undies are the last thing he sees before you take him to the promised land. Make sure it’s a pretty picture. 

 

Keep your hair and nails done. 

I also blogged before about the black man’s fetish with pretty feet. It’s a reality people. My mother always said a girl who can’t take care of her feet is saying that she can’t take care of her nonny. She said your feet are the first thing that hit the water. I really took that to heart. Again, you don’t have to get gels/acrylics very two weeks, or have the big-toe design. But do keep them manicured and pretty. And please, invest in a foot loofa. Every time you shower, just do a quick scrub of the feet before you exit. Your S.O. will thank you while you’re spooning and your feet are rubbing up against his legs. He doesn’t want you combing his leg hairs with his feet. Not a good look. And the hair, this can be hard if you don’t know how to do your own hair and times are hard. But if you don’t have a girl you can go to, get a style that is low maintenance for you. But just like I said for men, you have to keep the hair clean. Chances are you are shorter than him, you do not want his nose stuck in your sour milk hair. 

 

Keep the lawn manicured

Some women swear by their natural state. But I would venture to say, that most men in the 20 something range prefer for your lawn to be cut. You can get a good brazilian for anywhere around $25-$65. It’s worth it and it lasts weeks. You can get the landing strip, or go full teenager. Just keep that area free of forestry. I always said men appreciate not having to hunt for the gingerbread house. Too much bush and he might get lost. Not to mention, hair traps sweat and odor. I personally feel it’s just a better look as far as hygiene. I cannot back that with scientific fact, but that’s just how I feel. 

 

Cook for him/Drink with him/Let him kick it with his boys. 

I am not so much of an “independent” woman that I can’t get in the kitchen and cook an amazing slap yo’ mama meal. So many women are looking for that “gentleman” but they have forgotten how to be “ladies”. You want him to open doors, take off his jacket and put it over the puddle, pay the bills even if you can afford to (which, Biblically he should) and all sorts of stuff. But then you have no clue how to hard boil an egg. Shame. Guys also want a girl who can drink and hold her own. Not drink him under the table and you have a bigger beer gut than him. But just a show of how you’re comfortable with him, and he can be with you, and you can have a good time too. Lastly, men will love to see you secure enough to let him hang with his boys. The more you are cool with him getting his space, the more he’ll appreciate the time he has with you. He’ll be out with his boys, thinking about that good meal you just made, your sexy hair and nails, and the landing strip awaiting his arrival. He’ll hurry back in no time. 

 

Lately there’s been some talk of female crazy. And it’s so true. It happens. We get caught up and we lose it. All of these things above are sure to drive a man crazy, and they are honestly, all things that we should be doing for ourselves regardless. That’s the ticket to happiness. Take care of your “Star Player” (thanks Katt Williams) and the rest of the team will prosper as well. This is a short list, but I’m not about to let you men folk come in here and start spewing forth all kinds of other randomness like “she should swallow” and blah blah blah. Get it together.

 

Such a mother F’in lady,

JG*

“its time for some mind sex”

“Pardon me love but you seem like my type
What you doin tonight? you should stop by the site
We could, roll some weed play some records and talk
I got a fly spot downtown brooklyn, new york
Now I know you think I wanna fuck, no doubt
But tonight well try a different route, how bout we start
With a salad, a fresh bed of lettuce with croutons
Later we can play a game of chess on the futon
See I aint got to get in your blouse
Its your eye contact, that be getting me aroused
When you show me your mind, it make me wanna show you mines
Reflecting my light, when it shines, just takin our time
Before the nights through, we could get physical too
I aint tryin to say I dont wanna fuck, cause I do
But for me boo, makin love is just as much mental
I like to know what Im gettin into”

 

Ahhhh yes… the oh so sweet sounds of dead prez serenade me and take me back to my freshman year at good ole spelman.

 

The first time I heard this song, I was like, “mind sex? is that some kind of new oral sex?” yes folks, ladebelle’s mind was dirty from the start. But as I’ve gotten older (and hopefully wiser) I’ve learned just what dead prez was talking about in this song.

 

“We could have mind sex, we aint got to take our clothes off yet
We can burn the incense, and just chat
Relax, I got the good vibrations
Before we make love lets have a good conversation

Its time for some mind sex, we aint got to take our clothes off yet
We can burn the incense, and just chat
Relax, I got the good vibrations
Before we make love lets have a good conversation
Time for some mind sex…”

 

But how many of us have really had mind sex BEFORE taking your clothes off? I know that I’ve been VERY guilty of having the physical sex before even thinking about the mind sex. my theory has been that I should find out whether or not this dude’s physical sex is good enough to even delve into the depths of mind sex. maybe it’s just me, maybe it’s not.

 

In previous entries, I’ve hinted that I have a twisted view of sex and I’ve even written a blog on my theories of sex/cheating in relationships. but now my dear readers, it’s time to share my twisted views on the not-so-taboo topic of sex, generally speaking.

 

As my the title of my blog suggests, I’m a wild child. Not really the hippie type (I do like to rock a short, curly frock) but I do have my non-traditional thoughts regarding the once-taboo topic of sex. I think that most people were raised to wait until marriage to have sex and all this other nonsense. My moms never told me that specifically, but she did tell me to be safe about the sex that I did have and to wait until I was ready.

 

Well, I didn’t wait until I was ready but I have been safe so I shooting 1 for 2. anywho, once I really started dating, I found that there was always this sexual tension that was between me and the guy. And that due to this sexual tension, we would always introduce each other to our “agents” (the front hiding who we really are and enables us to just tell people what they want to hear). Well, I’ve had my heart broken many times before after finding out that I didn’t meet the man of my dreams, rather one of the many who wanted my panties.

 

So I decided that I would no longer entertain these “agents” and that sex earlier on would at least take this tension away. It did AND it let me know whether this person’s sex game made them eligible for the real prize… ME…

 

See, sex really doesn’t have much value in my book. It’s about the nut, whether you can please me, and whether you are just pleasing in general. However, mind sex is a whole nother ball game. If I’m sharing my mind and my emotions with you, then that’s when things get serious.

 

So dear readers, what do you guys think? Do you think that sex is this super sacred thing that should only be shared with someone you love or do you place your value on your mind sex?

 

***Admin Note: Please remember to submit your stories to ladebelle@gmail.com… I’m thinking that the best story will get a risqué gift!!!***

 

 

xoxo

 

ladebelle

I don’t want no Robocop

Well folks, today I am dedicating today’s blog to Kanye West’s newest album 808’s & Heartbreak. 

Once again Kayne’s right on time. His CD’s always speak to what’s going on in my life. I’m not going to give a review. Not at this time, perhaps later this week when the Album has officially dropped and I can feel better about bootlegging it. 🙂 When Late Registration came out I was in heaven. I had my addiction at the time. Me and my homie David (RIP…I’m not sure if you would like this one Dee. LOL) would listen to Crack Music and Drive Slow. All the fraternity interludes ran deep for me since I was pledging that semester. It was a good look. 

 

Then came Graduation. I mean there were obvious hits. The CD did well. But I Wonder came Just.In.Time. I was really going through it. I had lost something that was very important to me and I seriously spiraled out of control. I couldn’t eat, I barely slept. The only good thing was that I lost 20 lbs. But then that made my friends think that I was on cocaine. No… they seriously thought I was. Crazy friends. I used I Wonder as my motivation to still be awesome, and to still see my name light up the skyline. I used it to get over my devastation. And I did. 🙂 I started eating (too much), and my friends saw me happy again, the thing that I had lost had come back to me in a new light. Things were A-okay. 

 

But they say all good things must come to an end. And here we enter Heartbreak. 

 

Now I am one happy chick. I really am. You can ask anyone. However, if there were one thing that I put too much strength in it’s love. I love Love. I love being in love. I’m awesome when I’m in love. I give my entire heart when I’m in love. What I don’t do is save some room to love myself. Here in 2008 I thought I had it entirely figured out. I had lost love once and I was better for it and now I can go out and find it again! Problem is that I have had a hard time letting go of my earlier mentioned “Addiction” and my most recent love. I let those memories haunt me. Chide and goad me.  I let those loves dictate my future. It got so that the thought of me having a future were dismal and watching CNN’s Black In America made me miserable. How dare Soledad O’Brien and her documentary imply that a good Black Man was going to be hard to come by for a good Black Woman? My past came back to get me. We entered into a battle of when/how/why and who loves who more and who shows who more. I lost the battle and my emotions had gotten the best of me. I was beaten and a wreck on the inside. On the outside I was happy and a girl who just wanted to have fun. 

 

Over and over again my iTunes played Coldest Winter, Heartless, and RoboCop. (Note: Since the CD hasn’t officially dropped yet, these songs aren’t all the finished versions.) I did all this, yet and still, I wanted to walk backwards. Not forwards into something new. That represents to me the unknown. I want to go back to what I know. The memories that still make me smile. The touches that still warm my heart. The conversations where we don’t even talk. The mornings when his breath stinks and you can’t help but scrunch up your face but still kiss him. The drives through the city that allowed us to dream big. The walks through the park that allowed us to notice the details. 

 

I want that.

 

Love.

 

Back.

 

JG*

P.S. I’m a believer in that God will always provide for me. So with that being said, I never despair. 🙂