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so apparently this week we’ve been feeling the whole crazy ladies needing to get their shit together and i decided to make today’s blog about where i think the source of some of this nonsense is coming from.

ladies and gentlemen, we all need to work on our SELF-LOVE.

yup... this is what the ladies need to be spouting

yup... this is what the ladies need to be spouting

both men and women are so concerned with doing things for the opposite sex and not themselves that it’s really troubling but today’s focus is naturally, on the women.

JG* was talking about some good stuff in monday’s blog about getting your shit together. but really, we need to get our shit together for ourselves. so many of us are caught in this “i need a man” syndrome and doing everything to get the attention for men and not paying enough attention to ourselves and loving ourselves.

so what’s got ladebelle on her self-love soapbox today? i’m tired of beautiful women not having themselves together and being broke down and driven crazy by some of the simplest shit. this is so frustrating to me. ladies, seriously, love yourself and each other before giving all that love to a dude. men aren’t evil but a loving relationship is all the more healthy and fulfilling when you come into it loving yourself and knowing that you are beautiful.

i mean, how many of us love ourselves? how many of us think that we are truly beautiful without having a man or another outside source confirm the truth? how many of us use men to validate something that we already know to be true? why is it that without this validation the truth of ourselves somehow fades to black?

fellas, how does our “lack luster” love of ourselves affect you in our relationships?


“lovin myself” ladebelle


  1. amen to this. u came in this world alone u will leave alone the rest is circumstancial.

    take each day u are given as a gift. that’s y they call it the Present.

    ill be back after I get some sleep

  2. Man this is a good post!!!! I agree with you Ladebelle! I think the “lack luster” love for yourself affects the way men verbally and physically compliment you. When a man tells you that you are beautiful its second guessed or if a man just wants to sit in your presence, rub your all know shit! It can make a man feel as if his efforts are not good enough. Same for men as well…

  3. You are preaching my gospel right here, girly!

    I live my life by the principle that if all is well with me, all will be well with every other aspect of my life, including my relationships with guys.

  4. i think you must have exceptional love for yourself to love anyone else. the goal is for a man to supplement you [add to you], not complete you. your completion should already be in progress/in effect.

  5. It took me a long time to realize that the only person responsible for my happiness is me. How you feel about yourself radiates to others, whether that’s good or bad, and people who can’t love themselves get preyed upon at worst and disappointed at best. A friend of mine told me once that relationships are not 50/50…. they are 100/100. Good post, good lesson.

  6. @akua… damn str8! it’s funny because in going through some things my brother dropped some good knowledge on me… at the end of the day i have to sleep in the bed i made and at the end of my life, it’s only me answering…

    @black bronco… yeah, this definitely goes for both men and women… and this is really important because the person showing you love and affection may begin to look at themselves negatively when it has nothing to do with them…

    @robin monique… that is a great principle to live by! but not all of our sisters are living by it! we gotta spread the word about spreading the love to yourself!

    @jenay… yeah, i don’t believe in that “became whole when i met you” so now there are two half people together and that leads to a whole lotta shit… it’s funny you bring up this “in progress” thought because i have such a problem being patient with my own “in progress”.

    @anesidora… you laid this out lovely!

  7. ladebelle, for some reason I came to this post today with a certain familiarity and unexplainable feeling of emotional vulnerability! lol. But as i’ve stewed in my own juices since our last conversation on a related topic I have come to the realization that I am sometimes this woman. More often than i want to admit in the past year or so I’ve been this woman. and its not because i don’t love myself, as i once thought because its just not that simple. i LOVE myself, i acknowledge my worth and beauty in most things but my insecurities speak louder than my securities when it comes to relationships. I have been to the depths of hell and back in the past 3 1/2 years so I’m confident in my ability to do and be most things…except a girlfriend or heaven forbid a wife! My insecurity here is so great that i don’t even reasonably entertain suitable men because my fear of failure is so magnified here, in this aspect of life. Having a man doesn’t define me, not having one does…and here in lies my disfunction. I am exactly where i’m supposed to be but not where i thought i’d be or where i think i’m supposed to be and so i whine the “i ain’t got a man” blues when in all honesty its not really about that…its just like looking in the metaphorical mirror to see the refelction staring back at me in many ways is more and in some ways less than what i expected to see today. And last, the thing i realize more and more is if i’m waiting to get over my insecurities I’ll never fully enjoy sharing the love that i do have for myself with the world. Hope this helps someone else in process like me 😉

  8. @mene… sounds like you should be reading more often… lol… “Having a man doesn’t define me, not having one does” this statement is so deep!!! so deep…

  9. although i agree that all ppl need to love self prior to anybody else. Some of the new modern age independent ladies be taking it a little too far.

    that’s another convo tho. poke.

  10. Right on!

  11. Yeah I agree about self love, we do need more of it. Along with better communication both listening and speaking to each other. Sometimes people are not on same frequency, and often times you find yourself in company that doesn’t produce good interaction. We need vehicles in life to gives both inspiration and reflection in all relationships. It’s just hard sometimes to get a handle on what those are when you’re trying to live, relate, love, and be. So we need to allow some room for mistakes with one another. That way we are giving love, and look for the right return on it we need. I hope I made sense…lol

  12. @ladebelle: that is the truth. no one has to answer for the decisions you made in life but u.
    are we gonna make mistakes? hell yea. but we will be all the better for it. how can u ever truly appreciate the sunshine unless there is some rain?

    I love me unconditionally. sometimes we are our own worst critic we can’t forgive our selves for things that have happened in our lives. what we must to is look past our mistakes and realize we are ok the way we are.

  13. yes, Yes and YES!!! Ladies get ur SH*T str8 and nourish yourselves b4 a man in your life. Be sure to give yourself and your emotions the proper respect they deserve in order to continue loving yourselves. Think of yourself as a tree….grounded in self-love, branching out in love to the rest of the world. But remember, you’ve got to have the basics to survive and stay strong…good soil as a mental foundation (friends and family), water (as self-cultivation, builing oneself up) and light to soak in the wisdom that comes with the experience of relationships so that you may GROW.

  14. I think something that LOTS of women fail to remember is, that yes—-Get your shit together and Love yourself before entering a relationship or expecting others to do it for you. But also CONTINUE to love yourself and give yourself constant affirmation throughout a courtship/relationship. I am GUILTY of this in the worse way. I get all on my “India Irie” when my phone is silent and no one is asking me out—but as soon, the knocks start at the door and my phone is ringing off the hook—All that self-love goes out the window. I start feeling myself, but not in a genuine way. I forget all of the nurturing I had been giving myself when I was by myself, and instead start looking to these “strangers” for that validation and when they fall short (which they always do) Im back at square one—trying to get my esteem back in order. Self-Love and Self-esteem is life long. Its not some temp. fix until you get a man or when things start going right in your life.

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