Men….. You have got to do better.
Ladies, have you ever used the bathroom after you gentleman friend only to find your feet resting in a disgusting puddle?
Let me say I hope this has not happened to you. But since it has happened to me via more than one gentleman friend, methinks it may be common.
Sometimes it happens after sex. I can *almost* understand this. He gets up, his willy wang may not be acting right, he stumbles to the toilet and his attempts at perfect aim seem futile. Well, I understand. But why, why dear sweet baby Jesus in your small little baby crib, why can you men NOT CLEAN IT UP!? Is it that you are suffering from post-sex delirium and you fail to notice that you pulled an R.Kelly on my freshly swiffered floor? Or do you not care and you shake it extra hard just to be spiteful?
Sometimes it happens after copious (shout out to my fellow SAT word lovers…one person in particular) amounts of alcohol are consumed. Ok we got stumbling, inability to focus, and lack of appropriate depth perception. So then why, in the name of all things holy and porcelain, can you not just suck up your male ego and pride , just tuck your willy and sit down to pee? Don’t tell me it’s because you are concerned with germs. Fool it’s your toilet so you should know if it’s clean, or it’s my toilet and you KNOW that it’s clean. Having to keep up with your non-aiming self keeps my bleach constantly on deck.
Either way, it happens. I, JG*, seem to be the most unfortunate girl who always loses in the foot-race to the bathroom and I am always the one left in the puddle of sterile bodily fluid. I am then left not knowing what to do. It sucks. My foot is wet and icky, yet probably devoid of any bacteria now. I have to maneuver off of the toilet and handle all self-cleaning business on one leg. I have to clean up your foul nastiness because you were too pre-occupied to do it yourself, and I need to clean my feet that I feel now know you on too personal of a level. Once this is done, I hope you have begun to worry what has taken me so long. Also, I hope that you ask. When you ask, you will be met with a fury so deep that you will wish you would have missed and hit yourself in the face instead.
Well really, I say all of that but honestly, I’m too shy to be that real. Well it’s not shy. It’s just that I get embarrassed for other people easily, and when this atrocity occurs, I tend to just clean it up and leave it at that. I don’t want to see the embarrassed look on his face followed by the stumbling and weirdness. I’d rather not see him punk up like that. It would make me sad. Instead, I’ll just accept him as the man-beast that he is and chalk it up to the level of difficulty there must be in taming the beast that is his wang into urination submission.
Until next time….
JG*
rants of a wild child 
12 Comments
LMAO. Women always complain about this. And other than the fact that men have more room for error because we’re standing up, and if we are hard that it makes it much harder to aim, and if we sit down we risk our dick sitting in the water, we really don’t have any other excuse. 😉
LOL Ok fine… That’s all well and good. Just please, clean up your own juices!
LMAO!! You make me feel so fortunate. My sweety’s aim is off, but it usually ends up on the under rim of the toilet seat. Problem with that is I don’t notice it until I go to clean the bathroom and see age old crusty pee plastered on my toilet seat. Ugh.
BUT I’ve never had my feet meet any urine, so I guess it could always be worse! Lol.
Omg this is 2 funny. I have more of this issue because I live with 2 lazy little princes (thing 1 and 2) I ve had the pleasure of pee being on the seat the floor the wall the shower etc etc…lol
Hilarium. Can’t say I’ve ever encountered this, but perhaps that’s because up until recently nobody has really been up in my place like that (I did my dastardly deeds elsewhere). But I feel you on the “being embarassed for others”…. I’d probably just clean it up and keep it moving, too.
ummm never!!!
It is one of our most unpleasant task to learn. But we do with those who ask us to consider checking the floor before we leave the room.
This is funny. I’ve always been aware of the toilet seat being up and poor Sweety falling in the toilet.
i’m literally laffing my ass off at work… great job JG* great job…
i actually have never had to step in the “sterile juice”… i have only had the problem of sitting down with the toilet seat up… and that’s a bitch in and of itself. last time it happened, i went and sat my wet ass on his face… needless to say, it hasn’t happened since…
The post is hilarious, the reality is gross. It is however a hard decision. Am I willing to sit down and have my penis dipped in a puddle of my fluids mixed with Tidy Bowl; or do I stand and take the small risk of your foot slipping into my home made ammonia? Take one for the team JG! Haha…
bwahahaha
Lord, I’d have a serious fit if my boo pee’d on the floor and didnt clean that stuff up…and then I stepped in it!
haha
The closest I can get to this is after a full night of partying and plenty of dranking, my boo and I came home and hit the bed pretty hard. I sleep light though so a few hours later, I felt him get up but I didnt hear him open the door, so I opened one eye and lo and behold this fool has opened my closet and it standing there and fumbling. So wait and watch, unsure of what he is up to…until I remember a story that my coworker told me of her friends boyfriend being drunk and peeing in her closet. So I yelled, “babe what are you doing??!?!?! That’s not the bathroom!!!!! Get out my closet!!!”
He slurs “I know thats your closet” and then opens the door to the hallway and goes to the bathroom.
The next morning I ask if he remembers how he almost peed on my shoes and he denies it vehemently lmao To this day he wont admit that he was to drunk to realize that my closet was not a urinal.
That is so disgusting. I would kill someone if they pissed on my floor (accident or not) and then allowed me to walk in there like everything is cool and the gang..and I come out with pissy feet. No ma’am!