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i’m not sure why i remember him, but i do… i knew him from either my pre-days at spelhouse or during my days there. either way, he made an imprint on my psyche…

who? his name is shaun king and he’s getting ready to launch the courageous church. this man has more ambition, drive, and potential then me, myself, and i put together. check out his blog from off my blog roll…

i digress… so shaun came up with this great idea to raise money to buy new uniforms for some inner city children here in atlanta. his children don’t go there but he has put so much love, effort and passion into this movement that his facebook profile got cancelled (bananas right?).

here’s a blurb from the website about this movement:

“Bethune Elementary School has an amazing staff and a wonderful student body made up of some of the poorest, brightest children you have never heard of. 

These kids are amazing. Over 98% of the Bethune students live at or below the national poverty level and the overwhelming majority of these babies live in homes and apartments that are so dilapidatedand unstable that you would besurprised that people are still allowed to live that way in 2008. This isn’t play poverty – this is the real deal!

The Blessing.
And the blessing is that you have an opportunity TODAY to be abright spot in the lives of these children. This Christmas, we want every single child (about 500 students) in this school to have aNEW SCHOOL UNIFORM and aFUN TOY to call their own. If YOUdon’t help, many of these kids simply won’t receive anything at all this Christmas, but we believe that God is going to use you to be a blessing to these beautiful children. ”

 

 

 

 

need to see more?

 

we only have until december 2nd to make these kids dreams coming true so please, do what you can.

interested in the cause? click here for more details.

so as far back as i can remember, i was always the odd one in the bunch… the black sheep, the trouble maker, hardheaded, and always had to blaze my own paths…

in the past couple years i’ve been trying so hard to be something and someone that i’m not… in fact, the development of this blog has been my freedom to express some of my pent up aggression due to me trying to fake the funk in my regular life. 

soooo, what am i talking about right? well, i’ve always been this eclectic, artistic, radical rebel that loves art and all things creative. some of the people who knew me when i was being myself described me as being hot-blooded, free spirited, quirky, firey, passionate, spontaneous, etc. but now, those things only really describe the part of me the i don’t let people see anymore. at some point in time, i got embarrassed about the things that made me me and decided to tuck them away. 

but apparently that is not working for me… i feel like a fat girl in too small clothes… it just doesn’t feel or look right to me. i no longer desire to have the normal, quiet 9-5 where things are so predictable and boring. i don’t want to have to wear tailored clothing that the stuffy people approve of. i don’t want to have to cover my tattoos or not be able to have my nose pierced. gone are the days of trying to be “perfectly posh” and being content with that… it doesn’t fit me and it never will… 

as i began to figure this out, i some how adopted this rockstar mentality… i don’t know where it came from or if it will stay but i feel like rockstars are rebels that took off their disguises and have let the world see who they are… and now it’s my turn…

so what did i do? i got my tongue pierced (again). 

 

rockstar mentality

rockstar mentality

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and thus begins my transformation back to who i am… 

 

xoxo

ladebelle

“by being yourself you put something wonderful into the world that was not there before…”

in my circle of friends (at work anyway) i’m late in getting this but i have recently purchased an iPhone and it is THE best $200 investment that i’ve made. 

 

the best investment ever

the best investment ever

 

 

so last friday, after much thought and being frustrated about losing information on my blackberry pearl AGAIN, i was ready to make my purchase. i had already made the decision that i was going to purchase it and even began to save money for it. my good friend TBS had already sent me an email about setting up my service with at&t before going in to the store to make my purchase. 

by the time that i was ready to take the plunge, everything was all set-up! i walked into the apple store (which has the best customer service ever) and gave them my name, credit card, and was pretty much set to go! what made it even better is Danny (my Apple Genius) browsed different apps with me and helped me set them up initially. 

so now for my review about my love the iPhone…

the great:

  • the apps are ridiculous! i now have a personal assistant on my iphone that keeps track of all my bank accounts and utility accounts! 
  • i LOVE the touch screen… it makes navigating so easy
  • i have access to literally everything at my fingertips
  • i can listen to my music and load my songs without it taking up too much memory
  • and can i say the apps AGAIN!!!
  • the service is better then t-mobile… it’s true, you do get more bars in more places!
the “needs improvement”:
  • there is no picture messaging so you always have to email
  • at&t plans kinda suck
  • the text messaging takes some getting used too
but overall, like i said, this is the best purchase i’ve made in a while… it was so worth sacrificing my expensive makeup and shoes to save for it!!!
btw, here are some of the great apps that i have:
  • pandora (streaming songs to your phone doesn’t get any better!!)
  • facebook (of course)
  • wordpress (naturally… but it doesn’t seem to work right)
  • urbanspoon (find any type of food you want within any area by shaking the iphone)
  • aim (gotta keep in touch with the peeps!)
  • BOA (banking on the go)
  • twitterific (gotta keep people updated!)
  • shazam (don’t know the name of a song playing? let your phone listen to it and it’ll give you the information!)
  • audi a4 (omg! racing game where your phone is the steering wheel!)
  • lockbox (keep all your personal stuff locked up)
  • personal assistant (cuz i’m that important…LOL)
  • sugar (can’t think of sweet messages on your own? this will help!)
i don’t think that i can emphasize enough how great the iphone is… i quote my good friend TBS when i say, “i don’t know how i lived without it!”
xoxo
ladebelle

so last night was what has now become the infamous vice presidential debate between sarah palin and joe biden. palin is unexperienced and has a tendency to sound like a bumbling idiot whenever she comes in contact with katie couric and biden is a loose cannon who’s unpredictability can easily become the obama’s camp downfall. but they both have their strengths as well… i’m struggling to find palin’s but biden is great in foreign affairs which is what this country needs.

so last night i went to a debate watch party at the hard rock cafe with my girl savvy s. cnn did coverage there (and they interviewed me!!!). the debate went well. i think that the main differences between the vp debate and presidential debate are:

  1. energy sources was a hot topic here
  2. all the viewers are still struggling to know what the “talibani’s” are (are these alaskan taliban)
  3. everyone is blinded by the impeccable white teeth and perfect smile of biden
  4. the debators actually had some respect for each other and didn’t interrupt when the other was talking
  5. this was scripted
  6. i stayed awake for the entire thing!
i think that #4 is really important here. although biden nor palin are my favorites, they did one thing right here and that was respect each other when they were talking. there were no interruptions, no jumping in… none of that that we saw with the presidential debate. another thing that i really liked was that they talked to both the viewers and each other. with the mccain-obama debate, mccain wouldn’t even look or let alone address obama and that was just blatant disrespect and i can’t respect that. 
so like i said up there, cnn was there and i was interviewed. now, although the interview was dynamically written, some of this stuff i didn’t actually say and needs some further clarification. now my first quote on the page is correct but she messed up the context. i said that i’m not for marriage being dictated my law makers so therefore, biden’s response is something that i can agree with. yes, it’s the more PC version, but it leaves the door open for the possibility of gay marriage becoming recognized legally. (sigh) well, i guess the rest of the interview was ok… however, i would like to say that i think both parties have some things that i both agree and disagree with but i’m not conservative enough to be “riding the fence”. i’m no staunch democrat but i agree with more of the things that obama is representing. plus, we’ve had the same type of men in office for so long, i think it’s time we had something different in hopes that it changes our world. 
well, if voting and watching debates isn’t enough for you, my lovely readers, feel free to have the candidates (and their wives) battle it out here: http://www.atom.com/spotlights/kung_fu_election/.
but i am interested in your thoughts of the debate last night… so SPEAK TO ME!

i have officially been prompted twice to update my blog so before there is a third prompting and i begin to feel worse about my lack of blogging, i will blog now!

needless to say, things have been quite hectic in the land of ladebelle… lets start with work (which still sucks). 

work updates…

so last week the crew and i (minus nene) were out in the great state of cali and the lovely (to be read as dirty) city of san francisco… to sum the trip up in one word, i would say it was… hell, who am i kidding? that trip surely can’t be summed up in one word! while out there, we (being the ladies of the pod) were mandated to work 10 hour days minimum… that doesn’t include the 10 block walk to the convention center and back to the hotel. ugh… 

there were a couple of highlights out there…1. all the free booze at the reception; 2. meeting all the people that i regularly communicate with via email or telephone (to be read as all the free booze at the reception). and there are my couple of highlights. 

 

anyone order a mcnasty with flesh eating disease?

anyone order a mcnasty with flesh eating disease?

 

 

now on to the low lights… and there were many… as if it weren’t confirmed before, it is definitely confirmed that we work for the nastiest bastard in the world… he was pushing himself all up on my girl KT, who was beyond grossed out. (on a more serious note, i think we need to file a damn sexual harrassment suite). KT was also the only one to receive popcorn and shit sent by the nastiest person in the world. i mean, what about the rest of us that work hard? is what we do in vain now? ugh… unappreciative prick… sorry, got lost on that one low light there… and on to the one Ms. Patch who has officially upped her annoyingness (yes, it’s a word now) and disrespect with her demand of eye contact after interrupting me without so much of an “excuse me ladebelle”. UGH!!! 

 

BEAT IT CABBAGE PATCH!!!!

BEAT IT CABBAGE PATCH!!!!

 

 

but then the people there were like one big fashion faux pas. i mean, who wears belly shirts to conferences now? soooo inappropriate… and if there’s no flood coming, please leave the high waters at home… in fact, bring them with you so we can burn them… ugh

so now that i’m back and have all this damn work to do from my primary job, mcnasty decides he wants to hassle me about some damn membership calls… right, cuz i got my BA and MBA so i can be a glorified telemarketer. sorry mcnasty, i have a regular job! ugh… the way i wish i could tell him to go jump off a building… 

anywho, enough about the depressing place entitled work…

fall fashion!!!

so i think that fall is one of my favorite fashion seasons… so many colors, new trends, and you don’t have to be a skinny bitch to pull the looks off!!!

as is my tradition, i’ve already colored my hair to a darker, more fall color of red. and i got a snazzy new haircut!

one of the big fall makeup trends is the “bitten lip” look… this means a nice wine color for your lips. so, since i’m trying to save for an iphone (so that i can blog more frequently) i decided to go with a lower priced lip option versus my $15 addiction to MAC. target has this new line of more expensive cosmetics but since i wasn’t dropping $15 for my MAC i sure as hell wasn’t dropping $20 in target for some lip gloss. instead, i bought some l’oreal color riche lip liner in “lasting plum” and some revlon colorstay lipglaze in “overtime wine”. the cool thing about the lip liner is that it comes with a sharpener at the bottom. 

so this morning i put on my lip products with a simple black lined eye and it was instant glamour! and now, at the end of the day, my lip gloss/liner combo is still in full effect without having to touch it up! i’ve had snacks, lunch, drank, talked, etc and it’s still there! nice…

anywho, this was a pretty random post but i posted… the next post i promise will be more guided!

xoxo

ladebelle

have you ever felt as though no one can see you or what you’re doing? but you feel as though you’re destined for greatness?

maybe it’s just been me… but i really feel as though i’m the invisible girl that works her ass off but is never seen… maybe it’s just how i’m feeling now… maybe it’s how i’ve been feeling for a while… maybe it’s actually reality… or maybe it’s all in my head… maybe the feeling of defeat that i have right now will one day fuel me to success… or maybe it’ll fuel my demise…

no one can see her... but she knows shes there

no one can see her... but she knows she's there

i think that what i’m most tired of is always giving my all to my work… maybe if i did a half ass job then i wouldn’t feel as shitty as i do now. but no, that’s not the work ethic i’ve been instilled with.

i’m really upset, angry, frustrated, tired, and just weary… i’m tired of always having to be the “bigger person” and suck my feelings up because some asshole supervisor has a title that they don’t deserve. i’m tired of always being talked down to as if i don’t have a brain or thoughts or ideas of my own. i’m tired of feeling unappreciated for doing 5 peoples job and barely able to do mine. i’m tired of being stressed out beyond belief for a job that i can’t stand and bosses that couldn’t stand without we little people. i’m tired of working my ass off and growth not be seen when i know it’s there…

but most of all, i’m tired because this seems to be how it’s always been and will always be…

first let me thank anyone and everyone who has read my blog (especially the most recent ones) and posted a response… i REALLY appreciate the care, concern, suggestions, and feedback…

so i think i’m done riding the insecurity ride… really… i was thinking about this the other day as i was sitting and crying (lol) and insecurity is like that gravitron ride. i think that we’ve all ridden it it at some point during our childhood to adolescent years. it’s the ride that no matter how hard you try to get up, you can’t because gravity is pulling you back down…

this seems to be a metaphorical mirror (you like that huh? lol) for my own battle with my insecurities. i got on this ride somewhere in between being told that i was dateable because i was lightskinned and getting lost in fashion magazines that idolize the skinny, blond-hair-blue-eyed models that had no curves (no offense to these types… but they surely aren’t me). granted, i went to the prestigious institute of Spelman College where i was surrounded by beautiful women with curves and rolls and straight and natural hair, i still struggle with the concept of my own beauty. i’ve done research, conducted studies, written papers, and have still been inconclusive… i’ve been told that i’m beautiful by men, women, white, black, asian, indian, whatever but i’m a firm believer that until you realize your own beauty, none of that matters (though i am grateful for it!)

so today is the first day i consciously decide to get off the insecurity gravitron and see myself as being beautiful despite my cankles, scars, rolls, and ever increasing size… or maybe i should see that as beautiful… i don’t know if i’m ready for all that but it’s a start to the end… a friend of mine (SEXY MOKS!!) who is amidst her own beautiful transformation told me that in order to start to do things differently and see things differently, you have to do the thing differently with purpose and intent behind it… so now i will purposely look at my reflection and purposely be happy with what i see and all that i am…

and now, on to more funny blogs… enough of the sappy shit!

like shit…literally…

so about a month ago i found out that i have this genetic disorder called Hidradenitis Suppurativa… in a nutshell, something is the matter with my pores and i get recurring cysts in my armpits and groin area… so i do some research and there are mixed reviews on whether or not surgery is the way to go because there isn’t in fact a cure for it… so i make the decision, after over 12 years of battling this, to have the surgery…

so here’s what they did prepare me for… before surgery, i had to pay a whopping $500 deductible… then i had to go in for my pre-op appointment. i then found out that i would be going totally under, which i had never done before… so after arriving to the hospital at about 12:30pm, i thought that i was all ready after not eating or drinking for over 12 hours. so i get the anesthia and i’m a light weight… in like 2 seconds i was out like a light…

i wake up at about 6pm coughing with pain under my arms… my throat hurts, i’m nauseus, and the only person i want to see is not there and i can barely understand my nurse. after getting some more pain meds and something for the nausea, i can’t have anything to drink. about 30 min later, i’m transferred from recovery to post-op where i’m hoping to see chris. they still hadn’t gotten him so i sat in the room waiting trying to figure out how to not be quite so groggy. coming out from anesthia was weird… it was like having the worst hangover and still being horribly drunk all at the same time.

so i couldn’t take my bandages off till yesterday afternoon and now i’m wishing that i could have just left them on until i was fully healed because what was under the bandages was something that i was unprepared for. taking the bandages off hurt like hell because i was actually pulling gauze off of my flesh… i think that what was most shocking wasn’t that my flesh was exposed, but it was the golf ball size holes under each of my arms what seems so earth shattering to me.

in my most recent post, i talked about insecurities and mine more specifically… i think that this was a shock to my self-esteem. but u know i think the worst thing is that i don’t know anyone who knows how i’m feeling right now… after crying for what seems like hours on end and not eating, i think i’m finally ready to pick myself up… but i’m not sure… i’m really down right now and everytime i take off my shirt and see how much drainage there is or the holes that are still there, i’m reminded of the insecurity that has not just doubled, but quadrupled… i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to look “normal” in anything that exposes my armpits… i don’t know if i’ll be able to apply deodorant or shave the same way… i don’t want to deal with the weird stares at the gym if i wear a tank top and lift my arms…

not doing so well… not at all…

as usual, i was riding MARTA this morning and this one girl stood out to me. i’m not sure if it’s because i’ve been having insecurity trips lately as well as virtual meltdowns because of my insecurities or if what because she stood out in general. so with that said, this blog, unlike my previous ones, probably won’t be so funny… more cleansing to me i guess…

it’s amazing how easy it is to recognize things about ourselves in other people. i think that’s the reason why this girl stood out to me so much. she was chubby but by no means was she what some would consider a total fat ass or anything. she was cute though. she had her hair in a mohawk and had on a tank that was goth like. i think all girls that are insecure with their bodies do the same trademark thing… she kept pulling her tank down like it was riding with every breath she took. everytime she would pull it down, she would look increasingly more uncomfortable. i do this too…

yesterday i went to the mall with my co-worker and friend. i was people watching as i normally do and noticed how many women, in all sizes, seemed so comfortable with how they looked. not that they all looked good because some of them were a downright mess, but they were comfortable enough with themselves that it didn’t matter what they looked like to others

“beauty is in the eye of the beholder”

i always that this quote was so weird but to these women with these higher levels of comfort must believe in it. it’s weird… i don’t know why i’m so hard on myself. i’ve definitely gained some weight, but i’ve also gained friends, knowledge, degrees, a husband, and so many other things that credit my character being at least decent.

but i guess we’ve all got insecurities but at what point do you let them stop controlling you? please feel free to share…