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happy hump day everyone! 

today’s blog won’t be a typical rant per normal, rather a directed rant instead. i received the following question from one of our readers:

does your man come close to what u imagine a man to be? and does that image allow u to say fuck it at his short comings?

you know, it’s funny that this question came up. yesterday i was chatting with a friend of mine about how he wants for his marriage to be and he touched on something similar to this. he said that he wanted his wife to want him regardless of all his flaws and still want to love him and cater to him and he would do the same. now that i’m done reminiscing, let me answer the questions.

as was announced with my 5000th tweet, i’m a divorcee. my wusband is one of the most wonderful men in the world and he will make some woman the luckiest woman in the world–but that just couldn’t be me. as with most women, i had a mold that i wanted him to fit in. however, i don’t believe in changing people to be what you want them to be so i had to let him go free. 

to answer the second question, seeing as though our marriage didn’t last, i don’t think that i could look over his shortcomings and i think that he deserves someone who wants him as he is and how most of us are–in progress. 

phew! that was kind of hard to answer but now readers, it’s your turn to answer the question. do you have a “type” or specific qualities that you look for? what are some of the things that you are unwilling to compromise on? or simply give feedback! 

 

this is my time (thankfully)

xoxo

“in progress herself” ladebelle

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10 Comments

  1. I long ago ditched the idea that a certain set of qualities in a man would create my ideal. I consider each man independently and base my judgments on the way that we interact with and fit with each other. With the guy that I’m currently dating, I am crazy not so much about him, but about the relationship that we have. It just FLOWS. So my ideal is for the actual relationship than the person. I want my man to be my homey above all else and that’s one thing that I can’t compromise on.

    • “I consider each man independently and base my judgments on the way that we interact with and fit with each other.”

      wow… that is such an intriguing and powerful stance to take… i never thought about it like that…

      • But it seems to me this is the most logical and common sense way to look at it. Obviously if you had a mold already pre-planned you would be sorely disappointed. You should take each person at face value and then work off of your chemistry with them. What worked with Bob may not work with Roger. What smelled good on Peter may not smell good on Paul. Etc.

  2. After spending years and years auditioning multiple women (pun intended) for the job of my ‘ideal’ chic, I also realized that my ideal woman dosesnt actually exist. Like you said, we’re all works in progress and no one could ever meet my ‘ideal’ standard of HER… So, we just have to make the best decision that we can make with the options available to us & be willing to compremise… I know I’m not perfect, so I don’t think it’s fair for me to expect ‘perfection’ from a potental mate…

    • i feel like most men expect women to be perfect so it’s refreshing that you have this outlook.

      so what is something that you absolutely cannot compromise on?

      • You know, self-esteem – I cannot not compromise on that… So many women in our world just don’t hold themselves to any kinda standard… It’s disgusting lol…

        • mmm… that’s really good!!! i’m finding that more and more men pay attention to that…

          • Well think about it… If we’re together, one of the main things we’d be doing to each other (besides the obvious) is to build eachother up… I can’t help build you up if you don’t have any confidence in yourself to begin with… sigh…

  3. This is a really good topic for discussion because I think that most people have totally different prespectives on it, dependent on their own life experiences. What I mean is each perons definitions of love differ due to their upbringing, and I think it directly ties into what they seek from a relationship. Personally, I need a lot more than the average man when it comes to my relationships… I like to know the woman I’m with is thinking about me, and I’m a constant thought in her head. I need verbal affirmation of love and feelings, which most men tend to dislike. One thing I have come to find is that I can forgive my partner for her shortcomings, if I really care and love her. I may say I need something or that if she doesn’t do something we wouldn’t work out, but I can overcome that if the feelings are there and the relationship is worth the effort on my part. Mainly, like said above, the only thing I have to have in a woman is a best friend. I always tell my girlfirend, we’re best friends before anything else… I think that’s the only thing I can not compromise on.


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