Skip navigation


This is a loose hoe.

This is a loose hoe.











So the topic of the “magic number” has been discussed on other blogs and even here in the comments section ad infinitum.  Each side battles it out and nothing has been resolved. Today I would not like to talk about that number in particular, but my issue with the concept that a man’s perception determines a woman’s purity status.

 As I discussed before there is a sad black cloud that hangs over black women when it comes to our sexuality.  We are controlled by society’s pressures on women period, as well as racial divides. While this is a problem, I see it as something that will be easy to overcome eventually.

What I can’t get over however, is how a man can decide whether or not I, or any other woman, is a hoe.  As discussed in “What’s your number” posts, there was no clear cut number that would send a man running to the hills. On a fellow blogger’s recent blog post there were all sorts of complex mathematical equations floating around to determine the impact of a woman’s “magic number”.  Using these equations you could take the number 20 and 5 different guys would have 5 different conclusions regarding her “status”. For example:


Guy #1 : “She’s 25, been active since she was 20, so that’s 20 in 5 years, which would be 4 guys a year. That’s not bad.

Guy #2: “Well, she lost her virginity at 20, so she started off slow, in the last year she had 10. That’s too much, she a hoe”

Guy #3: “20 and she’s 25!?! That nasty hoe! I’ve slept with 113 girls and none of them were that loose! And they were all cute!”

Guy #4: “She’s had 20 guys, who cares? Is she healthy?”

Guy #5: “Ok.. 20 is a lot. But! The bulk of them were in college so that’s ok. Awww but damn, that means when we go back to homecoming Ninja’s gonna be pointing and laughing at me. She’s a hoe!”


Why is it that we allow men to dissect our pasts like this? Even if a girl does ask a man’s number it doesn’t seem to probe this far.  Many men complain that a high number is expected of them, and anything else would show a lack of experience. Perhaps this is true. I know that between my friends and I, we do not care to know your number, or the nasty things you did with girls X, Y, and Z. All that matters to me are your sexual preferences, and your performance with me. I don’t want a prude and I want someone open to my likes and dislikes, and can teach and learn.  Now to be fair, some girls are just loose as hell. Over on the other blog, people talked about girls with 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 guys in one night. I aint never heard of no ish like that. If I knew those girls, I’d have an intervention with them. Holy water for days! LOL

Yet and still, I am really turned off by the fact that any girl can be deemed “ho-ish” at any man’s discretion. I don’t feel this affects me personally for plenty of reasons. Although I feel my numbers are relatively low compared to what some of my male friends have consistently declared as “too high” or “high enough” I am that girl that will refuse to answer this question. Someone mentioned before “if she will lie about this, what else is she lying about?” And I guess that’s fair. I, on the other hand, will simply tell you it is none of your business. Likewise I will not ask you, your business.  As long as you’re a healthy and you haven’t had sex with all my girlfriends, or my male best friend, I’m okay.

I think the sooner we start realizing what’s really most important, the sooner the marriage rate will go up.

So I ask dear readers: Am I way off base with this? Men, do you think this is fair? Women, are you tired of being reduced to mere numbers? Where do we go from here?



J “nickel between the legs” G* 



  1. Real talk…I don’t want a woman with a lot of bodies, that’s just me. Is there a magic number…for me it depends LoL. I don’t dump dick everywhere so I don’t deal with women who are dumpsters, meaning keep the one nighter’s and casual encounters down…I do 😉
    Other than that, the person who can’t live without the one the want will look past transgressions and just maybe go so far as try to defend them.

  2. The numbers should be left alone in relationships. Honestly, if your number is low and you tell a guy that, he won’t believe you anyway. If your number is high and you tell him, he’ll think you a hoe. You can’t win for losing. Just dont ask.

  3. i decides who the ho is.

    and im glad. 😉

    but i don’t really care how many dudes she’s been with. There’s a limit.

    but when in one session, the number of dudes is incremental… then that’s ho-isms.

  4. I feel about 20 kinds of ways about the whole magic number deal. I have a signifigant other and we had that conversation early on, I let him know my number just to dead all further discussion of the topic ever again and to quell any speculation, to my surprise my “high” number he said was not really all that high. Being a “ho” can not be quantified. In fact I define a ho as one who has no discretion, safety, or judgment when it comes to sexual partners. if you are doing that with 5 or if it is 105 dudes you are a ho. It has nothing to do with the numbers.

  5. No, you’re not off base at all!!

    I think the sooner women liberate themselves from these man-made definitions of sexuality, the better off we’ll be. A person’s perception is THEIR reality, I don’t have to own it. If a man allows something as small as a “body count” to keep him from being with a woman with whom he’s compatible, that’s his loss in my eyes. When you genuinely like someone, you take them as they are. So if you can’t accept the number, you ain’t the one. But women should be damned if they let me make them feel bad about their sexual choices. If you’re single and healthy, you can do with your vagina what you damn well please.

  6. Yeah there is a double standard, but I don’t think its only men that are part of the problem. Other women as well go just as hard in terms of vilifying another woman’s sexual habits. With that said though it’s a level a maturity that a man can look at himself as well as the female. Saying hey you’ve done what/who, it’s all good, and I see you as my equal. Plus there are other aspects to the problem, such as men and our acceptance of our own sexuality. The ability to own it and flaunt it enforces the idea of conquest. So there is no shame in how many we have “smashed”. Where as women tend to feel meek in their ownership of their sexuality. Women are quick to put down another woman. Men don’t do that to each other. For many men the “damn you smashed her? Yo I gotta step my game up”, becomes a competitive sport. Women don’t look at sex like that. There is an entire perception that has to be fought, and destroyed. You have to battle the “she’s a good girl” ideal, as opposed to I’m grown and do me attitude. At the end of the day, the reality is that it comes down to character of both men and woman.

    Men will smash just to smash, most women aren’t just running with they ass out looking for “D”. So when you hear a number like 25 you get shocked. The girl with the glasses, talks polite, carries herself in a respectful manner shouldn’t be getting it like that. Shouldn’t she be in a relationship? What kind of dudes is running up in her? The questions and expectations are different. The minute you deal with the perceptions of women and sex, the minute the number will be a non-issue. That’s going to take blogs, conversations, and much better understanding on how we satisfy our sexual diets on both sides…IMHO

  7. the universal determination of a hoe is played, because from what I see there are more manwhores nowadays. i think it should be brought up sometime during the relationship before it gets serious. females know if they were a hoe because they feel hesitant to speak up honestly. I had a coworker that had new D every few days, ish was disgusting. For me it comes down to a blood test, mainly because I date older men and they’ve been around longer and been into ish more than I would like to know. I’m good with my number and ratio so personally I have no problems.

    @ Kingslayer: perceptions are a b*tch. just shows how important it is to really get to know someone and be open and honest about everything.

    • To all of the above…. I would like to say thanks for your input. As some other internet friends and I discussed, the numbers game should really be moot. It’s not so much in how many, is how you do it.

      It’s also in how you carry yourself, and your attitudes. A woman who uses her body to get things, money, etc, or who has sex to fill an emotional void, will be seen differently than a woman who is secure in her sexuality, safe, and respectful.

  8. Real short and sweet.

    In these days of ‘double standards’ I think anyone who inquires about a number is very insecure. There are people who have slept with 60 people who are more healthier than people who have slept with five.

    When it’s all said and done…the only thing that matters is if the person you are sleeping with is healthy, not people’s perceptions.

  9. Wait! What lame dude is asking THIS question? All I am concerned about is that she isn’t increasing that number if we are supposed to exclusive. If we just kickin’ it, I’m just happy to be the chosen one and keep it wrapped up.

    • Ashamed of the world we live in
    • Posted January 6, 2009 at 10:39 pm
    • Permalink
    • Reply

    So many people don’t care about themselves and give themselves to anyone. Your body is your temple and should be respected!!!!

    • While I understand your view, it is your own. There are people who have sex uncommitted, and are safe, pre-cautious, and not out to fill a void or gain something non-carnal from it.

      Religiously speaking though, I’m in total agreement. But I messed up on that law a while ago (see newest post from my great co-blogger and comments). I’m working on my get right with God.

      Aside from that, I do believe my body is a temple. And if someone wants to “worship” at it, I’ll vet them properly and proceed. LOL (Well the old me would have, I’m a virgin again in 09 and beyond until I have a boyfriend. LOL)

  10. Oh get over it……who died and made you Top Flight Hoe Authority of the World Craig?

    I agree that background information regarding an individual is helpful when choosing a mate but checking the body count just is not at the top of the list of priorities for me when choosing a mate. I always say that if women included that on their checklists for men, many of us would never end up with a mate. This double standard makes me want to small puke all the time.

    @ Reign I totally agree with you. In fact manwhores have existed for thousands of centuries. I read it on Wikipedia LMAO

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: