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They both have my complete attention right now. 

Oh….

And they are both two really awesome things on CNN. 

So today as usual, I’m doing my daily round of the blogs. I hit up HuffPo, and a few others and then I end my round at CNN. During the election cycle, CNN was my main news source and I would dabble in a few others. It’s not that CNN is the absolute best, as they proclaim, it was all because of this guy:

 

Right. Like I cared about "The Issues"

Right. Like I cared about "The Issues"

 Anderson Cooper is a couple of things. Lighter than me and most likely, Gay. To be honest, I’m willing to look past all of that. He’s freakin’ sexy. 

Anyways, I’m on CNN today and I notice there’s yet another story about the Pirates. I have to say that I’ve seen these stories floating around these past few weeks and I have kinda overlooked them. I just couldn’t believe that these guys actually existed! I didn’t want to get all pulled into the story only to find out it was just a big promotion for next year’s National Talk Like A Pirate Day. This year’s celebration was kind of a bust. I forgot my eye patch at home and couldn’t find my Pirate Translation Guide. But lo! This is really happening! For those who aren’t up on what’s going on in the Pirate world I’ll tell it like this:

Basically there are these groups of Somalian Pirates of the coast of The Horn of Africa and the Gulf of Aden. They are a poor sad bunch who got their experience working on other ships. But pretty much, they got crazy ass weapons and are attacking ships left and right. You got something they want? Prepare to taste the ass of an AK-47 (as opposed to when Shaq asked Kobe to taste HIS ass. That’s just rude) NATO’s involved and all sorts of ass-kicking is taking place. Crazy right? 

When you really get into it it’s not all that exciting. But I’ll tell you what… if it weren’t for the Pirates I wouldn’t have remembered the other reason CNN is home to all my erotic fantasies. This guy:

 

I'd love to enter the no-spin zone with him

I'd love to enter the "No Spin Zone" with him..

 T.J. MotherF’n Holmes. *takes a moment*….

I would dive butt naked into the roughest seas and take on the most vicious of all Pirates just to have a moment with this most amazing piece of human being ever. I know. I know. You’re saying I’m taking this too far. Fall back. I can take it ever further. But this site is kid-friendly and I don’t want his handlers to put a restraining order out against me. He does live in Atlanta. I’d heard about this Holmes guy before, but since he anchors on the weekends, I tend to miss him. To think I had been wasting all my sexual energy on Anderson Cooper really pisses me off. I’d catch little snippets of him every now and then but this morning i caught a six-minute really candid interview of him and my obsession went from 0-60 in about 10 minutes. He is now my friend on Facebook and I find myself comparing his picture with mine to figure out what our children would look like. I assume they’d have his eyes and my mischievous smile. His height and my petite frame. I bet Christmases with his family would be just divine. We can do Thanksgiving in Florida with mine. 

This all sounds crazy right? But I bet Michelle thought the same thing about Barack Obama back in the day. And someone said “girl don’t be crazy!” But she went after her man! Now look where she is! 

Not the same thing? 

 

Whatever. God Bless CNN and the Pirates that made me spend too much time on CNN. 

 

JG*

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2 Comments

  1. lmao!!!! this is insanely foolish while so informational!!!

    and silly me, only going to CNN.com for news… i see the error in my ways now due to the great and (not so) mysterious JG*.

    btw, this bizness about pirates is really crazy!!! i mean, i won’t even watch past the first pirates of the carribean due to the insanity of it all!

  2. bwahahaha hilarious
    Imagine my surprise that TJ used to anchor out here in the bay area before he headed to CNN. I was so upset. I missed my chance to have his baby and everything! *pout* Thats what I get for being loyal to the channel 2 news when I should have been watching channel 4. I learned my lesson.


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