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first let me thank anyone and everyone who has read my blog (especially the most recent ones) and posted a response… i REALLY appreciate the care, concern, suggestions, and feedback…

so i think i’m done riding the insecurity ride… really… i was thinking about this the other day as i was sitting and crying (lol) and insecurity is like that gravitron ride. i think that we’ve all ridden it it at some point during our childhood to adolescent years. it’s the ride that no matter how hard you try to get up, you can’t because gravity is pulling you back down…

this seems to be a metaphorical mirror (you like that huh? lol) for my own battle with my insecurities. i got on this ride somewhere in between being told that i was dateable because i was lightskinned and getting lost in fashion magazines that idolize the skinny, blond-hair-blue-eyed models that had no curves (no offense to these types… but they surely aren’t me). granted, i went to the prestigious institute of Spelman College where i was surrounded by beautiful women with curves and rolls and straight and natural hair, i still struggle with the concept of my own beauty. i’ve done research, conducted studies, written papers, and have still been inconclusive… i’ve been told that i’m beautiful by men, women, white, black, asian, indian, whatever but i’m a firm believer that until you realize your own beauty, none of that matters (though i am grateful for it!)

so today is the first day i consciously decide to get off the insecurity gravitron and see myself as being beautiful despite my cankles, scars, rolls, and ever increasing size… or maybe i should see that as beautiful… i don’t know if i’m ready for all that but it’s a start to the end… a friend of mine (SEXY MOKS!!) who is amidst her own beautiful transformation told me that in order to start to do things differently and see things differently, you have to do the thing differently with purpose and intent behind it… so now i will purposely look at my reflection and purposely be happy with what i see and all that i am…

and now, on to more funny blogs… enough of the sappy shit!

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2 Comments

  1. Good One Aaronica!

    Funny, because if memory serves me correctly–Moko also helped me in this area a couple years back. Saying that, the only way you can change/transform something about yourself—is that you must first be willing to LOVE and accept who you presently are. And that was such a hard pill to swallow. I too, have gone back and forth between my arrogant spells and strong detest for what was staring back at me in the mirror. And we are our worst critics. I often beleived that if I was 30lbs. lighter, or my hair was a bit crinklier or if my features were more exotic—things would be better in my love life and social life. But the reality is—that is a mirage. A form of self-hate inflicted by negative self thoughts, a prejudice media and a twisted history as a people. But at the end of the day—I too, am seeing that—if I can’t accept and see the beauty in me unconditionally—then why should anyone else?

  2. Looking at your beauty despite still implies that you are not fully beautiful. As someone who has had a huge scar right smack dab in the place folk look at the most (my face), despite hasn’t always worked. I had to see enough beauty in my face with the scar, that folk don’t realize it’s there right away.

    This has been transformative for me, but it did take time to get there. I’ve gone from holding my head so you don’t see the scar, wearing my hair just a certain way, cocoa butter 5 times a day to reduce it; when I got a job, I even spent 50 bucks on some stupid cream that J-Lo swears by to get rid of it…all in vain…literally and figuratively. We find it so easy to tell others how sexy we feel or how hot we are and really not believe the fullness of that statement.

    Despite the rumors, beauty is a feeling not a value statement…So, how sexy are your scars?

    Love ya! Glad you’re feeling better

    Nsombi


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